My Immortal
by The Rockerbabe
Summary: Sadie's POV. She's gonna get herself killed. Patsy's words echoed in my mind and I felt a chill run through me. What am I going to do? I wondered. As Jude's life spirals out of control, her sister watches by helplessly, until she makes a choice and a call
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This story takes place in Season 3. AU Timeline.

Disclaimer: Instant Star doesn't belong to me. But this idea does. And also any lyrics I use, do not belong to me.

My Immortal

"Jude!" I yelled, impatient, as I pounded on her bedroom door, "Jude! Get up! You're going to be late!"

I got nothing in response. Not even the usual response of a grunt or the sound of a shoe hitting the door. I sighed and pounded again, careful not to chip my new manicure.

"Jude! I'm coming in!" I called.

I turned the handle to find it locked. I raised my eyes to the ceiling and stifled a frustrated scream. I sighed as I reached into my carefully done hair and removed a bobby pin. A chunk of hair fell into my eyes and I gritted my teeth. It had taken me an hour to do my hair and now, because my little sister couldn't get her lazy ass out of bed, I was going to have to fix it all over again.

I picked the lock easily, from much practice. I had been breaking into her room since I was thirteen. Despite the fact Jude couldn't dress herself to save her soul; she had surprisingly good taste in boots. And I stole them on occasion out of her closet.

I entered her room and flicked on the overhead light. My sister was dead to the world, asleep on her bed. Her mouth was hanging partially open and a soft snore passed her lips. Yep, she was a rock star alright. I thought bitterly. Her newly dyed ruby red hair was fanned out around her head, clashing with her bright, neon orange comforter.

She had let her hair grow out and hair gotten her bangs trimmed. It was a good look for her…well, right now it wasn't looking very good because her bangs were going every direction but down. Jude had fallen asleep with her dark eyeliner and eye shadow still on and were now smeared across her face. Ew. I've told her time and time again, sleeping in make-up did nothing for her pores. You just can't teach some people.

I glanced at my watch and saw that it was almost nine. Jude had a very important meeting with Darius and she couldn't be late. I marched across her room and shook her without mercy. It was a big sister privilege that I had used and abused joyfully over the years.

"Hey, rock star!" I crooned sweetly, "You have a very important meeting! Wake up!"

Jude didn't even open her eyes. She just snored louder. I took a step closer and paused when I heard a soft _clink_ as the tip of my pointy-toed Dior boot connected with _something_ underneath her bed.

The _clink_ told me that the object was made of glass. Which made some sense; my sister had developed a disgusting habit of leaving dirty dishes in odd places in her room. Which is why I only stayed in her room long enough to steal her shoes and get out. Seeing as how I wouldn't be waking Jude anytime soon, I could at least do us all a favor and remove the mystery dish.

I knelt down and reached under her bed. And what I pulled out was not a dish. It was an empty pint of vodka. I swallowed hard and glanced up at my sister. She looked so innocent and helpless as she slept that I couldn't believe she was drinking; under-aged. Instantly, I flipped into big sister mode. I got to my feet and shook her even harder. When that didn't work, I bent my head close to hers and yelled into her ear:

"Jude!"

In a flash, she bolted upright, looking panicked, her head whipping from left to right.

"Huh? Wha?" she mumbled, sounding disoriented.

"What is this?" I demanded, holding out the bottle to her.

"Why did you bother to wake me?" she whined, cracking her eyes open a bit.

"Jude. What. Is. This?" I repeated.

Jude actually opened her eyes and looked at the bottle. Then promptly snorted and fell back on her bed. I thought for a moment that she had passed out, but then, she started speaking.

"That." She replied, "Is a project from Patsy. She's having me and Mason gather all types of glass bottles for some project she's doing."

I thought about that freaky Patsy girl and I had seen her walking around G Major with crates of garbage-y things. So, that made sense. I sighed and dropped the bottle on her bed.

"Is that all?" I asked, sitting down beside her.

"Yes. Sadie." Jude answered, "That's all."

I looked over at her and she looked sincere yet so sad. But then again, she was still hurting over Tommy. That man sure knew how to break a girls' hearts in a million little pieces. Mine had been one of them. But thanks to Jude, I was over it and moving on. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and rested my head against hers.

"You have nothing to worry about, Sades." Jude informed me, "Can I go back to sleep now?"

"Jude you have a meeting." I repeated in annoyance for the umpteenth time.

"So?"

She shrugged off my arm and lay back down. I sighed and got to my feet.

"Jude." I said, "I know you're depressed but you still have to go to work."

"I don't wanna." She pouted.

I pulled her pillow from out from under her head and beat her with it. Jude groaned and ignored me. I sighed and stopped hitting her, tossing her pillow back onto her bed. I headed toward her door and looked over my shoulder at her as I paused in the doorway.

"Be ready in twenty minutes." I told her before leaving.


	2. Chapter 2

My Immortal

Chapter Two

* * *

Author's Note: The lyrics to "My Immortal" belong to Evanescence. The lyrics to "Pain" belong to Three Days Grace. And the few lyrics of "Spin" belong to Lifehouse

* * *

I had finally gotten Jude to work. It only took me ten times longer than usual. I was on my lunch break and decided to skip eating and go check on Jude. I found her in Studio A, recording a song. Kwest smiled at me as I entered the mixing booth and my heart did a little flip.

"Hey Sades." He said, "What's up?"

"Hey Kwest." I replied, "Can't a big sister check in on her little sister?"

He laughed. "Here I was hoping you were visiting me."

"Sorry to disappoint." I sighed, "I've been worried about her lately."

"Me too." Kwest agreed, "Tommy did a number on her."

"I know. What's she recording?"

"Another depressing song." He replied.

We stopped talking as he hit the button for the audio. Jude's voice filled the room and I listened to the words of her song.

_"I'm so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave,_

_I wish that you would just leave_

_Because your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone_

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time can not erase"_

As she sang, I could swear I saw tears glistening in her eyes. And I felt my throat tighten.

_"When you cried I'd wipe away_

_All of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away_

_All of your fears_

_And I've held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me"_

I felt tears sting my eyes. Jude's depression was growing deeper, her words were a just a tiny reflection of that. I heard her voice waver as she started the next chorus.

_"You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating light_

_But now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase---"_

Jude stopped singing as a sob escaped her throat. She pulled her earphones off her ears and sunk to the floor, crying. I went to her and knelt beside her on the floor.

"Oh, Jude." I whispered, taking her into my arms.

My little sister buried her head into my shoulder and I heard her whimper.

"Oh, God, it hurts, Sadie." She whispered, "I feel like I'm dying. I can't go on like this."

I felt tears sting my eyes. I can't handle her tears. I held her until she stopped crying. Jude sat up and wiped her eyes, which smeared her eyeliner underneath her eyes, giving her raccoon eyes. Not very attractive. I glanced down at my shirt, wondering if she left tell-tale traces of eyeliner on my shirt.

"Sorry." Jude mumbled, wiping at my shoulder, removing the few black marks that were left behind.

"It's alright." I assured her, giving her one less thing to worry about, "I can get it dry cleaned. Do you feel any better?"

"No." she replied, shaking her head.

I smiled weakly at her and gently ran my thumb under her eyes, removing the eyeliner. I then wiped it on her sleeve. Jude gave me a funny look and I shrugged.

"It's black on black. It won't show or anything."

She laughed weakly and got to her feet. I followed suit and gave her a once over. Jude looked calmer now. She exhaled heavily and smiled at me.

"Thanks, Sades." She said.

"What are big sisters for?" I replied.

"I'm gonna go find Mason." Jude sighed, "He'll cheer me up."

"Good idea."

I watched Jude leave the room and sighed softly. I went back into the mixing booth. Kwest smiled at me.

"You're a good sister." He said.

"I have my moments."

Kwest stood and smiled.

"C'mon." he said softly, "I'm taking you to lunch."

I flashed him a smile. I wasn't going to protest that. An afternoon with a cute guy and free food, my spirits were looking up.

* * *

Lunch with Kwest had been great. He had charmed and I had flirted my Dior boots off. We entered the lobby arm-in-arm, he held the door open for me and I entered the lobby first. Once inside, I instantly stopped. Jude was laughing (which was a good thing). But she was laughing like a hyena on acid. For seemingly _no_ reason.

Mason had an arm around her waist and was dancing with her.

"And the world keeps spinning 'round and my world is upside down!" she sang as he dipped her.

I looked at Kwest, who gave me a smile and a small shrug. Jude giggled and, literally, bounced over to me, bringing Mason with her.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked her as she threw her arms around my neck.

"I'm so happy, Sades!" she cried.

"What happened to being so depressed it hurt?" I asked, worried.

"Ignore her." Mason said, pulling her off of me, "She's on a complete sugar buzz."

"I've seen her on a sugar buzz before but it's _never_ been like this."

"Well, I gave her two cappuccinos and a box of sweet-tarts and a bag of M & Ms."

"Um, that's insane." I rolled my eyes. _No wonder_.

"Man!" Kwest said, shaking his head, "Give her anything else?"

"I had a donut." Jude added.

Mason looked down at her and raised an eyebrow. "When did you eat that?"

"When you were getting me my second cappuccino." She replied.

Mason shook his head as Speed headed in our direction. He was frowning, which was rare for him.

"What's up!" Jude cried, still sounding ecstatic.

I shook my head and almost laughed out loud at the look on Speed's face. He looked positively scared.

"Um, Jude. Darius isn't happy." He said after a beat.

"About what?" she asked.

"The song. He said 'Stop being moopy. Quincy isn't worth it. Now write something that's bouncier.' End quote."

Jude sighed dramatically. "_F---i---n---e_."

She gave me a choke-hold hug and bounced away with Mason. I looked at Kwest again, who shrugged and shook his head.

"Well, I gotta get back in the booth." He said, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank _you_ for lunch."

"Anytime."

I watched as he walked away (and checked out his butt) before I headed back to the reception desk.

* * *

A while later, Kwest paged me. Jude had finished her song and was about to record and he wanted me to be around in case Jude needed me. I sat in a chair beside Kwest and listened as Jude began to sing.

_"Pain_

_Without Love_

_Pain_

_I can't get enough_

_Pain_

_I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_You're sick_

_Of feeling numb_

_You're not_

_The only one_

_I'll take you by the hand_

_And I'll show you a world_

_You can understand_

_This life_

_Is filled with hurt_

_When happiness_

_Doesn't work_

_Trust me_

_And take my hand_

_When the lights go out_

_You will understand."_

I openly gaped at the lyrics of the song. iI like it rough/i What the ihell/i does that mean!

_"Pain_

_Without Love_

_Pain_

_I can't get enough_

_Pain_

_I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_Anger and Agony_

_Are better that misery_

_Trust me_

_I've got a plan_

_When the lights go up_

_You will understand_

_Pain_

_Without Love_

_Pain_

_I can't get enough_

_Pain_

_I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_Pain_

_Without Love_

_Pain_

_I can't get enough_

_Pain_

_I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing_

_Rather feel pain_

_I know_

_That you're wounded_

_You know_

_That I'm here to save you_

_You know_

_I'm always here for you_

_I know_

_That you'll thank me later"_

I listened to the song and felt odd. Her moods were going to one extreme to the next, just like her lyrics. In the back of my mind, I was beginning to get scared. Jude was turning into somebody I didn't even recognize.


End file.
